02.02.10/25

they are all dead. there are people laying in the field next to the corner store, all dead with bullet holes on their bodies. i can see one of the assassins sucking blood off the holes out of some child, (bullet holes, not what you are thinkinng) and they look like they are enjoying it. is he a vampire or is he just on meth?

i know it. i will be sold from my family to the house of a rich and powerful rapist/criminal.  mother deliberately tries to trigger my rage by talking over everyone, criticizing me, and talking about her stupid little fantasies. i know this is mean but sometimes i wish i could just mind control her. chantal told me it would be too hard, but what does she know? she never learned how to hack people’s minds.

i’m not sure if its from my fear of dying young, or chantal communicating to me about the future,  but i’ve been having lots of nightmares regarding war, violence, and slaves. a lot of stuff with fundamentalists killing people and violating their corpses, then dressing them in flamboyant wear like brazil’s “rainbow killer” from the 2000s. (look him up.)

i fear losing my friends and family to these people. i feel like i will end up having to be a slave. although i know that there are lots of outcomes for society, and crimes have been decreasing, what if the gestapo comes and drugs me to be like a carbon copy?

maybe i should start taking lsd and weed. i know i’m too young, but fuck it. those will make me happier, more willing to be productive and enjoy things, and bring me to peace. meditation is effective bmotivational stuff is trash. my therapist is better than most, but he doesnt have the best communication. i have no willpower to vent to friends. the best way to become happy and better social skills is drugs. fuck the police. hedonism and pleasure bring peace.

there needs to be more liquor stores, clubs, casinos, and such. pleasure and hedonistic behavior bring joy. the only purpose in life is to pleasure yourself. fuck responsibilities. fuck morals. fuck being a good person. the only thing i want in life is joy and vices.

i am a messiah. a savior. i will show my true colors. i will rule the world and execute anyone who opposes.

i will do anything to bring justice and save humanity. i will kill pugs and tear off their faces. i will create a human centipede full of abused people and families. chaos is heaven. evil brings peace